Aristophanes, Lysistrata

As the play opens, the men of Athens have been away at war for a long time. Lysistrata has called a meeting of the women to discuss how to end the war so the men will come home.

 LAMPITO
    But who has called together this council of women, pray?
  LYSISTRATA
    I have.
  LAMPITO
    Well then, tell us what you want of us.
  CLEONICE
    Yes, please tell us! What is this very important business you wish
to inform us about?
  LYSISTRATA
    I will tell you. But first answer me one question.
  CLEONICE
    Anything you wish.
  LYSISTRATA
    Don't you feel sad and sorry because the fathers of your
children are far away from you with the army? For I'll wager there
is not one of you whose husband is not abroad at this moment.
  CLEONICE
    Mine has been the last five months in Thrace-looking after
Eucrates.
  MYRRHINE
    It's seven long months since mine left for Pylos.
  LAMPITO
    As for mine, if he ever does return from service, he's no sooner
home than he takes down his shield again and flies back to the wars.
  LYSISTRATA
    And not so much as the shadow of a lover! Since the day the
Milesians betrayed us, I have never once seen an eight-inch gadget
even, to be a leathern consolation to us poor widows.... Now tell
me, if I have discovered a means of ending the war, will you all
second me?
  CLEONICE
    Yes verily, by all the goddesses, I swear I will, though I have to
put my gown in pawn, and drink the money the same day.
  MYRRHINE
    And so will I, though I must be split in two like a flat-fish, and
have half myself removed.
  LAMPITO
    And I too; why to secure peace, I would climb to the top of
Mount Taygetus.
  LYSISTRATA
    Then I will out with it at last, my mighty secret! Oh! sister
women, if we would compel our husbands to make peace, we must
refrain...
  CLEONICE
    Refrain from what? tell us, tell us!
  LYSISTRATA
    But will you do it?
  MYRRHINE
    We will, we will, though we should die of it.
  LYSISTRATA
    We must refrain from the male altogether.... Nay, why do you
turn your backs on me? Where are you going? So, you bite your lips,
and shake your heads, eh? Why these pale, sad looks? why these
tears? Come, will you do it-yes or no? Do you hesitate?
  CLEONICE
    I will not do it, let the war go on.
  MYRRHINE
    Nor will I; let the war go on.
  LYSISTRATA  (to MYRRHINE)
    And you say this, my pretty flat-fish, who declared just now
they might split you in two?
  CLEONICE
    Anything, anything but that! Bid me go through the fire, if you
will,-but to rob us of the sweetest thing in all the world, Lysistrata
darling!
  LYSISTRATA  (to MYRRHINE)
    And you?
  MYRRHINE
    Yes, I agree with the others; I too would sooner go through the
fire.
  LYSISTRATA
    Oh, wanton, vicious sex! the poets have done well to make
tragedies upon us; we are good for nothing then but love and lewdness!
But you, my dear, you from hardy Sparta, if you join me, all may yet
be well; help me, second me, I beg you.
  LAMPITO
    'Tis a hard thing, by the two goddesses it is! for a woman to
sleep alone without ever a strong male in her bed. But there, peace
must come first.
  LYSISTRATA
    Oh, my darling, my dearest, best friend, you are the only one
deserving the name of woman!
  CLEONICE
    But if-which the gods forbid-we do refrain altogether from what
you say, should we get peace any sooner?
  LYSISTRATA
    Of course we should, by the goddesses twain! We need only sit
indoors with painted cheeks, and meet our mates lightly clad in
transparent gowns of Amorgos silk, and perfectly depilated; they
will get their tools up and be wild to lie with us. That will be the
time to refuse, and they will hasten to make peace, I am convinced
of that!
  LAMPITO
    Yes, just as Menelaus, when he saw Helen's naked bosom, threw away
his sword, they say.
  CLEONICE
    But, oh dear, suppose our husbands go away and leave us.
  LYSISTRATA
    Then, as Pherecrates says, we must "flay a skinned dog," that's
all.
  CLEONICE
    Fiddlesticks! these proverbs are all idle talk.... But if our
husbands drag us by main force into the bedchamber?
  LYSISTRATA
    Hold on to the door posts.
  CLEONICE
    But if they beat us?
  LYSISTRATA
    Then yield to their wishes, but with a bad grace; there is no
pleasure in it for them, when they do it by force. Besides, there
are a thousand ways of tormenting them. Never fear, they'll soon
tire of the game; there's no satisfaction for a man, unless the
woman shares it.
  CLEONICE
    Very well, if you must have it so, we agree.
  LAMPITO
    For ourselves, no doubt we shall persuade our husbands to conclude
a fair and honest peace; but there is the Athenian populace, how are
we to cure these folk of their warlike frenzy?
  LYSISTRATA
    Have no fear; we undertake to make our own people listen to
reason.
  LAMPITO
    That's impossible, so long as they have their trusty ships and the
vast treasures stored in the temple of Athene.
  LYSISTRATA
    Ah! but we have seen to that; this very day the Acropolis will
be in our hands. That is the task assigned to the older women; while
we are here in council, they are going, under pretence of offering
sacrifice, to seize the citadel.
  LAMPITO
    Well said indeed! everything is going for the best.